Kindergarten Cop

Okay, so suddenly my five days off a week has turned into one day off a week and I'm officially a kindergarten teacher. Yes, that's right, I got the job. Four lessons per hour, one hour a day, five days a week. I strolled in yesterday morning feeling like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop - except less cop-like and minus the secret mission - and what was the first thing to greet me? Twenty 2 year olds crapping into a vase. Standing in lines, pants down, ready for their turn to do their business into a vase held by the assistants. Lucky things, at least they get a vase, us adults get a friggin hole in the ground. AND the vase is ceramic; oh yes, only the best for these kids.

So there I was, nervously waiting for them to finish so that I could crack on with my first lesson. Baby class. Ten minutes of "O is for Ox" and "P is for Pig." Now you'd think that would go pretty quickly, fly by infact, but you'd think wrong. It was the longest ten minutes of my life. Because after you've repeated those sentences three times and the children have repeated it back in their baby language you realise you have another 9 minutes 40 seconds to go. As I was frantically searching my brain for something fun to do about Ox's and Pig's I began to panick. And the more I panicked the more my brain shut down. "For god's sake brain, why now!?" Silence. "Why now when twenty drooling toddlers are staring up at me expectantly?" Silence. Eventually the assistants (yep the ones with the vases - I made sure to keep my distance) decided the step in. They started a game whilst I stood in the background, sort of watching, sort of trying to help.

It got worse. The next three lessons were pretty similar. I repeated the vocabulary a few times to them which they repeated back and then I was stuck. So when I left after an hour of teaching (it felt as if I'd been there for about 4 days) I was dreading the next day. And the day after that. Infact I never wanted to step into the place again; "stupid Kindergarten with their stupid ceramic vases". However, help was at hand and Angus and Marsha spent the afternoon giving me tips, advice and practising lessons with me. So I went in today with a whole bunch of games, songs and chants and thank god they worked. The kids loved the chants and in contrast to the awkward silence of yesterday the kids went MENTAL. Which is good. I think. I hope.

The thing is, I'm just not great with young young kids. I don't know how to talk to them, how to interact with them. They seem so fragile and unpredictable; at any time they could bust into tears/ wee themselves/start screaming at you. They make me nervous. But they say you should face your fears right? So face them I will. Head on. At full speed. Oh jeez.

Oh by the way Mother, I bought you a present the other day. Its a vase. AND it's ceramic.

Thats all folks xx