Japanese Wedding

Sorry to be bombarding people with all these blogs...just got a backlog due to no internet...

But here is the blog about the Japanese wedding i went to recently

 

Date: 16th May 2010

 

---- Message to the bride and groom----

Firstly I would like to say thank you to the bride and groom for inviting me to your wedding

I had a fantastic time and it will be an cultural experience that will stay with me forever.

So thank you again for allowing me to be part of your specially day.

 

 

-------

Being invited to a japanese wedding has been the highlight of my time here in Japan, and I've only been here about a Month.

The bride is one of the local Japanese helpers that works for Interac and although she was not assigned to me she often hangs out

with the ALTs and is always asking how we are. She is the most energetic and genii person I have ever met. So even when you are feeling

down, like i have been, her happiness rubs off onto you making your day much easier.

I've been round to her house twice now for tea, which the first time was when i first met her husband. He seems a quiet man but he is

very polite and welcoming. At first I thought he new very little English but gradually he has been speaking more English to me. I only wish that

I new more Japanese so then we both could have a longer conversation but I guess this will come with time. After all vie been here a month,

lets see how much japanese i can speak in 6months.

 

So the wedding, the thing that most of you are dying to read about.

I should point out that this wedding had a western influence due to the brides and grooms interest in the English culture but it was still

a beautiful wedding and still very japanese.

 

Transport to the wedding was provided for for all guests, for most it was a bus but for those of us who lived further a field it was a taxi. Had I known

what the cost would have been i would have told them that i would get a train and then a taxi or the bus from the station instead. My journey was 

40mins and cost ¥7,000 each way…thats a lot of money.

The wedding was to take place at a hotel which was by the beach set into a cliff with amazing views of the ocean below. The hotel even had its own 

Onsen (hot bath) which guest we allowed to use free of charge after the ceremony.

When arriving you are met by the staff and directed to the front desk where three things happen.

 

1. Hand over you guest card - Just like back home you fill in a card with your details and a message that go into the guest book.

2. Hand over the money envelope - In Japan it is customary to give money as a gift. This should be placed in a money card with your name on.

The amount of money is chosen by the bride and groom and is used to help pay for the wedding but also to help the newly married couple start

their life together. (It also means no more 3 toaster, 4 coffee machines, 2 blenders etc happening like in western weddings).

Sometimes the amount maybe different depending on whether your family or friend but it will be written in your invitation.

For this wedding it was ¥15000, which might seem like a lot but its not everyday you get invited to a wedding.

3. You then get given a booklet about the bride and groom, the ceremony information and also directions to a room to relax in before the wedding.

 

The room we had was one of the hotel rooms. Let me tell you, it was way better then any hotel rooms vie stayed in. You had the genken with slippers provided

and then immediately upon entering the room you had the toilet and separate shower area with the fridge tooled away. In the corner you had the TV and internet

access and a place where you'd normally prepare tea. The main room was tatami mats (made from rice grass) which i think was 10 tatami mats big. In the centre 

was a table with sandwiches and different tea for us all. (If you were to stay the night you move the table to one side and then take out the futons and bedding from

the storage cupboard in the room and sleep on the floor). But whilst sat at the table the view was fantastic and because we were outside of the city, near the cost, 

away from traffic all you could hear was the waves, the birds and the wind.

 

Just before 11am a hotel staff member came to collect us as the wedding was about to start.

The bride and her parents and the groom and his mother were all standing outside the ceremony hall where you could take photos of them. The main reason

why they were here is because it is customary to greet your guests as they enter and so you both bow to each other, remember to bow to every one and not just

the bride and groom. You can never bow to much, and the deeper the bow the better as it shows you have more respect, although as a westerner you can be

forgiven if you mess up. 

For this wedding the bride and groom were in more of a western style dress. The bride wore a beautiful white wedding dress with a long white vail and the groom had a cream 

coloured suit on. The mothers wore tradition Japanese clothing whilst the father had a black suite on. (Word cannot do justice so i will try and upload a pic instead)

 

When entering the room there were 6 round tables. All-in-all there were probably about 30-40 of us. Unlike western weddings this was almost like you had skipped the

ceremony and gone straight to the reception party because all the food was at the the tables and you just had to go sit where your name tag was.

The room was divided into grooms guests on one side and the brides guests on the other (this is similar to western weddings). Luckily for me all the ALTs were together.

Before you could start eating though there was the actual wedding ceremony to take place.

 

---Side note to help orientate you----

In the room at the side you entered in from had a stage where the ceremony took place and then on the opposite side for the room was were the bride and groom site for the 

banquet.

----

When the ceremony was about the start the lights dimmed and spot lights placed on the doors to the right of the stage (if your a drama person its stage left). An announcement was 

made in japanese so i can only assume it was to announce the bride and groom. The doors opened and in they walk. The grooms leads her to the stage and helps her up the steps.

The bride is constantly followed by a helper to make sure her dress does not get in the way. They both look nervous, but then wouldn't you if your marriage took place on a stage

in front of everyone with spot lights on you. Its not like being in a church where you have your backs to everyone.

One of the ALTs met them on stage as he was acting as the priest to preform the ceremony vows. (He's not an actual priest but in Japan you normally register your marriage at

the local registry office and then have the ceremony that can be done by any one…in this case they had known the ALT for over 3 years and he is a really good friend to them).

The ceremony was conducted in Japanese (of course) but followed a similar tradition to western weddings where the "priest" asks if you want to marry each other. There was then the

signing of the book followed by the placing of the rings. Once the rings are placed the couple move to the front of the stage and show that they are now married by holding up

their left hand showing the ring. ---Whilst all this has been happening you have the main photographer darting from one place to the next getting shots, the video person darting between 

cameras making sure he has a good view and then occasionally running up on stage with the camera on his shoulder to get a closeup and then you finally have guests darting out of their

seats to get a better shot, centre aisle, with their camera.

The next part the groom leads the bride down the centre aisle to the opposite end of the room where they take a seat. More announcements where made followed, toasting the bride

and groom and then finally the the cutting of the cake.

Once the bride and groom had sat down you then began to eat. Now for me, growing up more or less in the countryside where you have pigs, chickens, sheep and cows, with carrots,

and other veg having sea food in front of you as a meal was something new to me. The closest i've gotten to sea food back home is good old fish and chips and maybe some grilled

Mediterranean fish i might have had on holiday in spain or somewhere like that. I didn't know where to begin. All i could hear from the other ALTs who had grown custom to

japanese food was "This all looks delicious, now i can understand why we had to pay ¥15000"…which made me feel like i had to at least try and eat some. 

So the first this was sushi. It was a slice of uncooked salmon with rice (i don't even eat salmon when its cooked)…here it goes!…let me point out that this was a fairly bit slice and 

although it didn't really taste of much i could just feel this slimy strange texture in my mouth with a hint if fish taste. Trying to chew and keep it in was difficult. I think if it had been

smaller then maybe it would have been ok, less to chew and easier to swallow. Now some of you might be thinking "why didn't you cut it up?" Well the similar answer is, you cant

when you only have chop sticks and done want to embarrass yourself and ask the waitress for a knife and fork. 

I wasn't about to try another piece of sushi and so onto the lobster with its beady eye looking at me…again something that vie never eaten before but also had a big shock coming

my why. I grabbed some of the meat that was in its flipped upside down tail, dipped it in some sauce and put it in my mouth. To my horror it was only lightly cooked on the outside

and was raw on the inside…it was more sushi…i looked over that the lobster who was looking backing at me and then i notice the uncooked meat in the tail and though,

"oh my god it looks like intestines"…with that my hand went over my mouth and i had to fight my instincts or spitting it out and force myself to swallow. (which i manages)

Next was what I thought to be cooked shrimps…again vie never had shrimp and again it turned out to be more sushi. The other guys realised i was struggling to the person next

to me said "this is cooked"…it was sea food again but i had no idea what it was, i think it was some type of plant…what ever it was it was slightly rubbery but was not squid.

I gave up on the sea food and moved over to the meat that was beef. You had a hot pot in front of you with a burner underneath and you put some of the vegetables in the hot water

(which were things similar to leaks etc) and then you put the thinly cut meat in….now this was very nice. Luckily before coming to the wedding i had had a bacon and egg toasted 

sandwich so i didn't need to eat much. So after the meat eating i stopped.

One thing i should point out is when eating you can get a lot of food. It is polite to at least try the food rather then just say no because you can cause offence. If you do get a lot you don't

have to eat it all, eat as much as you can and be sure to say thank you. You shouldn't fill your own glass instead offer to fill someone else's and then they will fill yours and never 

allow someones glass to go empty…if you don't want to drink any more then leave some in you glass or allow them to top it up (if its full and they offer, take a sip and then they will 

top it up), never drink whilst holding your chop stick and certainly never point with your chop sticks…at a wedding at some point during the meal go take a bottle of bear and

offer to fill the brides and grooms glass. Don't worry if they are full because they will either drink some or they have a bucket under the table to get rid of some…its a waste but its

tradition. You will also find the mothers and other family member will go round filling other peoples glasses as well.

Whilst all this is going on and you are eating it is also customary for the main guests to put on a performance or give a speech (which is why is more like a banquet). For us

westerns we all sang "My Girl" karaoke style, we had the mics and the tv monitor with the lyrics and everything…we weren't the only ones who chose to do karaoke as our performance.

 

After the meal the bride and groom left to get changed for the next part of the ceremony which is something we don't do. Its the lighting of the candles. The easiest way to explain its

meaning is that the flame is like the eternal flame and so represents their eternal love that they share with everyone.

And so just like before the lights go down, music plays. I projection on the the stage wall of falling stars. Smoke appears at the back of the stage and then the doors at the back open 

and through the smoke with first see a small flame, then the wand, followed by hand in hand holding the wand and finally appearing through the smoke (which reminded me

of "stars in your eyes") was the bride and groom. She was in the most stunning blue dress i have ever seen, well maybe more turquoise…either way it was beautiful.

They went from table to table lighting the candles and then finally they made their way to where they were seat and there was a series of candles in a love heart shape with a large

centre candle. They lit the first one and because each candle was linked up with a single taper, each candle lit itself one after another. When the final candle lit it sparkled and glowed red 

for a moment before burning like the others.

 

To end the ceremony the next part is the giving away of the flowers…instead of throwing them behind her several guest are invited to join her (which included the ALTs). Which each had to pic 

a piece of ribbon and then on the count of 3 pull. Out of the flowers came mini gifts attached to the the piece of ribbon which is like a lucky charm but the person who's ribbon is attached to the 

flowers keeps the flowers as is traditionally the next in line to get married. Just like at home this is suppose to be a female but this time round it was one of the ALTs who is male.

 

Upon leaving the ceremony room you had a bag under the table which is full of gifts for you. Yes, you get gifts for going to a wedding. Also, which is strange for people for the UK but

not for americans, is you also have a "doggie bag"…well in this case a box to take any food home…i just took the box of rice home that was in the centre of the table that none of

us, including the other tables, new was there (there was so much rood).

As we walked out we were greeted again by the bride and groom and their family where by you bow again and say thank you. They also issue you with another gift which in this case

was a silver spoon.

We all made our way back to the room and relaxed. Some people when to the onsen. In our room the Brides mum and dad came and joined us and we had green tea together.

 

Finally there was the all you can drink and sing karaoke. Which was 2 hours long and we had a lot of fun. Normally I don't sing in public but we went up as a group and sang a few

songs because it wasn't just japanese songs, you had most of the English songs you'd expect to be in karaoke.

 

All in all it was a very long but enjoyable day…but unlike British weddings that normally take place in the afternoon and then a reception and late party finishing after midnight, we were all on 

our way home by 430pm. When i got home I looked at the presents which was a sweet and savoury pie shaped like a fish in a basket, a lot of tofu in a box, dried strawberries in white

 chocolate (different but very nice) and then what i thought was a photo album but i think were are suppose to chose a gift from it and it will be delivered and then afterwards you can use

as a photo album. The best thing was what was written on the the paper for the fish basket, it said "A gift has no meaning. It's only object is to express a caring heart." To me this is the best 

way to describe a gift.

 

So that is the end of the Japanese wedding that i went to but is the start of an ever lasting marriage of to great people.