Chapter 3...........

Well I suppose it is time to write a new blog because if my mother mentions it to me one more time i’m going to ban her from skype..

That’s me been here for two and a half months and I would just like to say to those of you out there who thought I would have been home by now.. IN YOUR FACE!!

I’ll admit that last week I had a wee wobble, I will also admit that I was drunk at the time, I will even admit that, when I started phoning everyone to cry about being homesick it was 5am, but I was not impressed with the sympathy I recieved! My dear mother could hear in my voice that I was drunk so she swiftly told me to get to bed then hung up… Feargal decided to laugh his ass off at me even though  I was at the height of my hysterical ranting and my dear brother told me to ‘suck it up’.  At least I will know who not to call the next time I have a wobble..

Since the last blog I went on a DMZ tour.. In other words I went to the North Korean Border! It was a pretty damn scary experience especially with all the threats of war that is going on. My fear escalated slightly when we were given a form to sign stating that the tour group would not be held liable if we were kidnapped,

 injured, tortured or killed.  Comforting to know eh?  After signing it we were taken, heavily guarded by Korean Army dudes who could kill you with a sneeze, to the line that you must not cross, because if you do, the North Koreans would shoot your ass.

We were not allowed to take pictures of certain areas and were not allowed to point towards the north at any time (seems the North Korean’s don’t like that and you might get shot if you do!) The tour guide told us about the time that some idiot tourist tried to run across the line and started a bloody shoot out where a soldier lost his life!! So when we were taken into a building that crossed the line… I was a bit apprehensive. We were allowed to take pictures of the outside as long as we were inside, but we were not allowed to take pics of the inside from outside, get it?? I didn’t.

On the bus one of the army guys who had to escort us stood up and told us he would answer some questions. Now this guy might have been Korean, but even for a Korean guy he was GORGEOUS! I don’t know if it was the uniform, his muscles, his sunglasses or his ruggedly handsome features but I was in definite lust! So when he told us that we could ask him questions on the war, the army, the north, the hostilities, anything, my hand shot up straight away.. I asked the most important question of all,

“Are you allowed to go out at the weekends???”

He politely told me that he was and looked around for other hands in the air when I asked another important question,

“Are you going out this weekend???”

He laughed, as did the whole bus, and told me that he was, unfortunately, working. Drat!! Once again he looked at the show of hands but I continued to, unashamedly, ask more questions about him - How long did he have left to serve? Was he on facebook? Would he marry me…. okay, maybe not the last one but I was tempted! I had to stop asking though as the other 40 people on the bus were getting impatient and actually wanted to talk about the war.. Go figure….

This next incident actually happened that same day, well more that night.. After the tour, myself and a few friends went to the local pub.. It was a good night, we played pool and drank vodka   Near the end of the night though i went to use the toilet! It was a normal toilet thankfully but I found myself in a predicament when I noticed there was no toilet roll. I done the usual glance around the stall hoping there was at least a little when I noticed a lot of buttons on the side part of the toilet  There was a picture of a bum being sprayed with water so I thought, hmmm, thats a good idea! I pressed it and voila.. water was doing the job of toilet roll!! Smiling to myself I sat waiting for the water to stop, presuming that it would be like one of those automatic things that just switch off.  After the 1st minute I began thinking ‘hurry up and stop’ after the 2nd minute i started thinking ‘this fucking better hurry up and stop’ and after the 3rd minute I was panicking! If I stood up I was going to get completely soaked(it was a pretty powerful spray) and if I sat much longer.. well..  God damn it I was getting cold!  Now remember that I had been drinking for atleast 5 hours before this

happened so I wasn’t exactly the brightest spark in the box!  Eight minutes later I was still sitting there half giggling-half crying to myself wondering what the fuck I was going to do, when the fog parted through  my drunken brain and it finally occured to me to press the fecking button again!!  Miraculously it worked the cold spray finally stopped.. I  jumped off that seat so quick that i had gave myself a head rush and even though I was cold for a good hour(and embarrased), at least i was clean…    Funnily enough when I drunkenly phoned Mum, Maggie,Donna and Feargal to tell them they weren’t to sympathetic to my bums ordeal.  I mostly heard the words eejit, stupid, and jackass..

Now as I hinted in the last blog I have been having some unusual experiences with the taxi drivers. I use taxi’s alot here because they are so cheap and the easiest way to get around.

However, there seems to be a few rules that I should be following when I use the korean taxi services..

Rule 1: Do not wear a strappy top.

I went shopping one day and wore shorts and a strappy top but it turns out you should keep your shoulders covered here. You can wear a skirt so short that you can see what the wearer had for breakfast but you are not allowed to show off them sexy shoulders! The taxi man, clearly insulted that he could see my shoulders, decided to give me a lecture by shouting and slapping his shoulders whilst driving at 80 miles per hour.. I didn’t understand what he was saying word for word but it was easy to get the gist of everything. I just nodded my head hoping that we weren’t going to die just because he was too busy looking at my uncovered shoulders than the damn road! He got no tip!!

Rule 2: Avoid taxi drivers over 50 years old.

It seems the older they get the hornier they are! They use their mirrors to look back at you and that can give a serious case of the heebie jeebies.. There was one guy about 70 who kept glancing in his mirror and smiling at me, at first I didn’t really think much about it because Korean people are really friendly but this old man actually licked his wrinkled lips a couple of times.. and he definitely had to adjust his sitting position once or twice, suppose its good to know that an old man can still get it up. but at the same time eeewwwwwwww!

Rule 3: Do not make eye contact!

I had a korean taxi driver ask if i was Russian, a.k.a. Are you a prostitute and how much do you cost?! I was having heart failure the rest of the journey thinking he was gonna drive up some alley and stop! So when he asked if I had a boyfriend I said YES, AND HE IS MEETING ME IN A MINTUE!!

Rule 4: When they refuse to let you out, climb out the window!

I went to Seoul at the weekend and had a great night drinking, dancing and acting like an eejit but when it came time to go back to the motel I found myself in a small predicament… Where was the motel?? I didn’t even know the address, street name, or general direction. Hell, I didn’t even know where I was at that moment.

I quickly figured out that myself and another girl, Becki, were lost! We had just said goodbye to some really-really-really fit blokes that we had made friends with and didn’t know where to go.

We weren’t worried though, mainly because we were to drunk to care, but we figured out the best way to get back was to jump in a taxi. The taxi should have cost about 3,000 Won, but we were told that it would cost 20,000 Won because of the time, don’t know why as it was only 6am!!

Me and Becki, however, came up with a solution. We would tell him that was fine and when we got there we would just not pay him.

I know I know,  shame on us.. but you have to remember..   We had sore feet…  We were tired……  We couldn’t possibly walk any further….   You would have done the same….   So anyway, when we reached the destination the poor guy turned around and said the price, and we simply said, No. Ha, that was when the fun began…. In our drunken state we didn’t surmise his reaction so when he started to get angry I opened the door.. only it wouldn’t open.. the fucker had locked us in! I suppose at that point we should have paid the money but, nope, I decided I was getting out of that taxi one way or another.. so while this guy was roaring and shouting I got the window down and hanging half in – half out, managed to get the door open from the outside and faster than you can shout “TAXI” I was out the car with Becki at my heals running down the road! We ran for our lives, we ran for every person who had been ripped off by a taxi.. we ran for the good of mankind, we ran until we spotted a KFC and decided we were hungry!! And can I just say that the burger I ate was bloody delicious! I’m sure the Taxi man would be glad to know that his fare went to something productive….

School is going good, the wee shits that I mentioned in my last blog aren’t much of a problem anymore, especially since I got one of the Korean teachers to phone the main trouble-makers mother.  

Good side – The boy isn’t bad anymore.                                                                           

Bad side – I think his mother and father beat him up( he was also taken out of school.) I’m sure it wasn’t because of that ONE phonecall.. right??

Time to wrap it up now since I have places to be, people to see,  more children to terrorize etc etc

I hope you enjoyed my misdemeanors..

Please feel free to leave a comment!!

Take care

xxx