So, today I phoned and booked my place on the China Internship for August 2010 . . . I've done it, I've taken that first step. How do I feel - sick mostly!! And excited, and scared and thrilled and curious and nervous and . . . well at least 50 other emotions at the same time. But the underlying feeling is - that I've made exactly the right decision for me.
Its been a long time coming. See, it started in 1988, when my mum died aged 39 - at the time I knew she was young but I didn't realise just how young, not until I turned 39 in 2006. Then, as luck would have it that year I had a cancer scare myself - same type of cancer that took her from us. And I realised just how young 39 really is. Which then led to me asking all those questions about the meaning of life, why am I here, what's it all about? Thankfully, my scare turned out not to be cancer but it shook me to my core and I decided that just existing, doing the 9-5, taking one european holiday a year, having the nice house, car etc wasn't enough - this life is for living and I want to get out there and live it.
So in the last 3 years I've been working on completely changing my life - yeah, some may call it a mid-life crisis, that's their perogative. But I feel more free and content than I have done at any time in my life - heck, I can even look in the mirror and actually like the person who looks back at me now! And one of my biggest drivers whilst I've been turning my life upside down is the urge to travel. But its not something that I've done on my own and I've never been to anywhere other than westernised countries. I'll admit it . . . fear has been one of my biggest barriers to getting out there and experiencing different cultures, seeing incredible sights, meeting fascinating people and all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) stuff you get from packing a rucksack and heading out into the great unknown.
This internship gives me the support and security that I need to take that first step. Its still a little scary, and I know that I'll have some wobbles as I prepare to depart the UK. But there's going to be a great bunch of people, going through the same thing and we'll all gee each other up to keep the motivation going.
Flippin' eck I'm excited . . . and scared . . .
and so it starts . . . .
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Ladies, thank you so much for your positive comments - the positive energy emanating from this site is incredible. There's a real excited, supportive vibe on here!
Monique, I love that saying . . . think it might be my twitter status for tomorrow! Funny, as I've started to tell my friends about what I'm doing they've all said "that's great . . . but what if you don't like it?" My answer has been that 5 months will pass in a blink of an eye and if I really hate it, then I'll just change my flight and come home! What would be worse to me is missing the opportunity and always wishing I'd taken it.
Alix - I'm so glad to hear that you too received the all clear. We are indeed blessed and continue to be so with each healthy day that passes. What's that saying - Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why its called the present! And as to Scarecited, well that's being added to my vocabulary as of now!
Jinty - I can't wait to shrug off my western blinkers and really see the world. I'll have to pick your brains about where to go once China is done. There are so many places to visit, so many things to see . . . can't wait to hear more about your adventures so far.
42…long past that! Good for you, the first step is the most difficult.
We all make decisions based on fear so you’re not alone. I’m sure you will absolutely love it! And if not, as the saying goes ‘’sometimes you make the right decision and sometimes you have to make the decision right’’. Good Luck and keep us posted.
Don't take any of that mid life nonsense! When you get to 40 you're just getting into your stride... I'm 42 and I share your trepidation of going away alone like that, but I also had a recent minor cancer scare and when I came out of the clinic relieved, and saw some of those women there still looking scared witless, I realised that you dont have to be religious to feel blessed, and the rest of your life really does does beckon!
You've probably already faced the worst of fears. My friend invented a word - scarecited - it's one of my favourites!
Good luck
''Good on ya'' as they say here in Oz!! Once you start you'll not stop, travelling is sooooo much fun, and especially the non-Western countries..so much culture, a lifestyle you cant imagine, sights you think are made up..I spoted a baby elephant walking up a street in a Malaysia town..and I didnt even blink! So many amazing sights..makes you smile and GLAD TO BE ALIVE!
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