Ok, so everything is getting a lot closer now and I don’t know about anyone else, but the panic is beginning to return. Eep! I know life is for living, it’s all going to be a phenomenal experience which I will look back on with pride and/or be able to tell entertaining stories of the series of mishaps/unmitigated disasters that will inevitably happen to me. I also know that the whole reason I’m doing something which scares me as much as teaching does is that I am sick to the back teeth of being afraid of stuff. I want to have adventures in the years where I can just go ‘screw it’ and not let fear be an excuse for not doing something. AND I really, really hate office admin.
However. In the wee small hours when I’m unable to tell you what a conjunction is or the difference between the continuous and simple tenses, when can’t remember any of the scraping of Mandarin I’m trying to learn, when I know I’m going to get lost in Moscow and miss the damn train, when ten thousand other little nagging worries surface and dance on my pillow and when I just want to stay safe and warm and comfy in my bed, none of the above is much comfort!
I’ve started sounding like a broken record on this theme to my dear parents, my Dad’s advice was “if all else fails Clare, remember you’re British!” Mum told me to stop moaning. Complete lack of sympathy, justified I guess, but I’m doubly glad that my clever psycho-wizardry plan (doing a triathlon and getting the Trans-Mongolia express) is starting to work. At least, if nothing else I’m becoming too knackered to think, or whinge, about being scared! In an all-or-nothing spirit I have invested in the human miracle that is a personal trainer and I tell you what, BEST THING I have done since signing up for this China lark.
Guys, you’ll have to bear with me for this next paragraph. Girls, I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s counter-intuitive to spend good money and hours of your life making a sweaty fool out of yourself in front of good looking guys (there are several at my gym...). So, my number one fear busting strategy is to plough all my nervous energy into getting better at running, cycling and swimming so that:
a) I get a better triathlon result (this being the main point of training, I’ve not completely gone to the dark side of femininity)
b) I get fitter and better at the exercises, therefore looking less of a fool (alas, still red-faced but I am ginger after all) and
c) I impress my PT and the various sexy distractions with my dedication, work ethic and increasingly nice bum*... ok maybe I’ve gone a bit to the dark side. Sorry everyone.
Still though, I’m definitely on to a winner – I’m so buzzed with endorphins I’m getting everything else done at double speed with a smile on my face!
As a complete bonus, one of the trainers at my gym is encouraging me with the Mandarin learning by wanting to hear a new word or phrase every time I see him. How nice?! God help the poor Chinese people who will have to try and understand my woeful pronunciation, but I can now attempt to greet people and tell them my name. Progress is being made. Yay!
So as I get physically fitter and more prepared in practical terms, the Fear is under control and I can get on with anticipation, being excited and not pissing off everyone around me! It’s still there, lurking, but it’s manageable. I hope I’m not alone in this emotional soup, so I was wondering how everyone else is coping?
(*if I do say so myself)
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haha, yes, the naked thing... I never really got that bit of advice, I think being faced with a room of naked people is probably worse than attempting to teach! I read somewhere (Dawn French's autobiography I think) that a good tip is to say to yourself 'Today I am the kind of person who can *insert challenge*' or 'i have *insert accomplishments until you feel good about yourself*, doing this *insert challenge*...pfft! piece of cake' repeat it to yourself over and over until it starts sounding convincing in your head, then you just get on and do it.
So, I'll be trying those ones out, and taking my trainers for stressbustin' runningy goodness!
I did drama at college and the advice i was given was to imagine the audience naked...however, this is one skill that i could not transfer over to teaching in the classroom and i certain wouldnt advise it :S
I guess im lucky in the sense that i teach in small schools (about 200-400 studetns) and so i have a max of 40 kids...
But even in a small class the level varies...i have some that are very good at english but others who have almost given up on trying...I use work sheets. Normally the first part is reading, which we do together, then fill in the blanks, then rearrange words and finally create your own sentences using the grammar. It starts off easy and gets harder and is also self explanatory and so the smarter kids are preoccupied whilst i help the others.
With a larger class it depends on the activity...if playing games or teaching specific grammar that have a seating plan of mixed levels so the higher levels can help the lower level...(some of my classes are like that, others its alphabetical)...the other way is when its study time, reading or writing and not much board work then have the kids sit in levels so you can set levels off work and talk to each level one at a time...
as for nerves...you will be nervous...id be worried if you werent...the trick is to not show it...although if they are little kids then they will either love you and make you feel at home or be scared of you because your new...they wont hate you...
I teach 15-18year olds at HS and they sense fear and nerves much better then younger kids. My biggest worry was what happens if i make mistakes or dont know...I soon learnt that we are all humans and dont have all the answers - so you help each other...
once you are there you will love it. you will look back at this post and laugh...
Just make sure you enjoy it and as long as you try your best then you have no worries
After feeling fairly confident the past several months about doing this China thing, I'm starting to feel pretty terrified about it now. I'm just finishing up the last two specialist modules and trying to write lesson plans for the assignments has got me feeling completely overwhelmed and underqualified.
I know everyone is a little scared, and, like PDixon mentioned, many have gone before and many will come after. PDixon, by the way, your post did help quite a lot to calm my nerves, but I'm definitely feeling scared shitless right now by the prospect of standing in front of 100 8 year olds expecting to learn something from me. Or, more basically, just keeping 100 8 year olds under some semblence of control.
Help! (And, if anyone has any suggestions or help with the Large Classes Module I'd appreciate that immensely!!!)
I love your Dad's advice: “if all else fails Clare, remember you’re British!” It's like the comfort I get at customs with the little message at the front of my passport about letting the bearer pass unpeturbed - I mean, it's from the Queen, who can argue with that?!
Also - I think we need pictures of your PT ;)
I totally understand where you are coming from. What you are doing is something that most people only dream of doing but never actually do it, they just accept the way life is and go along being content, or worst, unhappy.
So, it is ok to be scared...in fact if anyone says they wasnt or are not then my response would be that they are a fool.
I had similar worries about travelling to as i was stopping of in Dubia, which is a fairly big airport. Also I only had English or Japanese money and no mobile phone. So either take some food to snack on when you go through connections or, like it most airports, they will except money from most countries.
As for the teaching...i find that all you have to be able to do is stand in front of a class and speak...if you can do that then your half way there. Dont worry about your grammar, just have a text book on grammar and you can use that for reference. You are not expected to memorise the whole English language. I`ve made mistakes, my Japanese language teachers ahve made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes...you just move on. My worst mistake was combine with my teachers mistake - she had told me the wrong lesson and so i prepared for the wrong lesson and so when i turned up the kids were all confused because they had done this lesson. Solution - turn it into a review class or play word games relating to the topic.
One last bit of advice that will hopefully help.
Remember that many people have been before you and many people will go after you. If it really was that bad then people would not do it. - Also youre not alone
Just keep moving forward and never look back - this is your time to shine and have fun...enjoy it
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